Jokes?? 3

Jokes?? 3

Posted: Sun May 27, 2007 9:22 am

Advantages of being a Woman

Why it's better to be a Woman?

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.



I Thought You Were My Wife

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up
her skirt and began fondling her.

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."


Signs That You are Too Drunk

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

Your job is interfering with your drinking.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream.

Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

You sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? I think not!

Two hands and just one mouth.. - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

You can focus better with one eye closed.

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

You fall off the floor..

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

At AA meetings you begin: 'Hi my name is.. uh..'

Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.

The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in..

You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alchohol, and [Women or Men].

Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.

Roseanne looks good.

Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

That damned pink elephant followed me home again.

I'm as sober as a judge.

The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.

You wake up screaming 'TORO TORO TORO!' in the middle of the night.
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Posted: Sun May 27, 2007 1:47 pm

Lolz those were the best!!!
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Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 8:05 am

Thanks ikor Novice...
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Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 11:19 am

Please don't call me Ikor...... it makes me itch all over.....
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Posted: Wed May 30, 2007 7:53 am

Ok Novice
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Posted: Wed May 30, 2007 3:06 pm

whos Ikor ? whos Novice ? o.O
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2007 3:35 am

Ummmm, look at me sig.......
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2007 10:29 am

yes.. look at his sig.. without the great duo.. Hehehe..
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 9:32 am

where do u find the novice word?
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love aint it beutiful devils got soft spots u noe

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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 12:31 pm

from him..... noob 28......
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 7:19 pm

Nice ones.I like them.And i got one more, i dont know if they really go with this forum but nevertheless her:

A bully came to a bar and snatched a cup out of another man's hand.The man started crying.The bully had already drak the glass of wine and then asked as to why he was crying. The man replied ,'Today is my worst day.First i wake up late and got to office late. In the huurry, i forgot my office papers, and was fired from my job because of a series of tiny mistakes i had made in the past days. I then went to a bar and squandered all my money over there. Then I, in a drunk state went home with what little money i had and at home i found my wife in bed with another man. Now i came to this bar to kill myself if you hadn't snatched my glass of poison away.'
Please tell me wether you find this funny or not.
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Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 8:01 am

nice
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