based on a movie....

based on a movie....

Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 9:34 am

Serpent Wards on a Plane

Starring:

Rhasta: The villain who hijacks a plane where our characters were boarding and gives them a special something to cope.
Purist Thunderwrath: A normal guy that uses a huge hammer as a weapon.
Lina Inverse: A female teenager with explosives. Purist and Rylai’s stepdaughter.
Rylai Crestfall: A cold, mature woman that is really freezing. Purist’s wife.
Magina: A blind guy with a pair of moonblades.
Terrorblade: Magina’s older twin brother.
Abaddon: A cold guy that looks a little like Purist and uses a freezing sword.
Kardel Sharpeye: An old man with a big gun.
Mangix: A guy with a serious case of obesity and comes from China. Has an addiction to alcohol.
Sven: A muscular guy with loads of hammers.
Yurnero: He’s the Juggernaut, bitch. A kendo master that comes from Japan.
Rikimaru: A gardener that comes from Japan.
Mortred: Abaddon’s girlfriend. An expert pharmacist.
Krobelus: A librarian. A studier of the supernatural.
Traxex: A woman in her early twenties who likes wearing revealing clothes.

Act 1: Hijack

“Lina, hurry up or we will miss the plane,” said Rylai. “Coming!” Lina said as she waved her hand at her stepmother. It was a fine day at the Los Angeles International Airport. Rylai Crestfall, a working mother is bringing her stepdaughter, Lina on a vacation in London. After loads of persuasions from her with help of her friend, Chen, she finally managed to get her husband, Purist Thunderwrath to take a few days off from his work at his company’s headquarters.

After getting past the customs, they heaved their luggage and boarded the plane. The plane wasn’t filled with many people, a mere twenty or thirty in Lina’s estimation. They found their seats and sat down. Lina glanced around at the people flying with them.

In front of her were two blind guys that are identical to the last tattoo, however, one was taller than the other by a head. Behind her was a really fat Chinese that took up three seats on its own. On the left side of the seats, there sat a couple who were chatting with each other, in front of them two men who were speaking in some weird foreign language and at the back a woman who looks like she’d rather wear a bikini instead and a woman in her late thirties sitting beside her. On the right side of the seats, there was an old man who was already sleeping and a big, tall, muscular man talking on his phone, rambling about something like “You insufferable lout.”

The middle-aged woman’s phone rang and she picked up. After two minutes or so, she was going “I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! ......Call me.” And hung up. The sexy lady’s phone rang as well. It looks like her friend called her for a little chat. After a while, again, she was ranting about some job interview of hers in the past. It went like "I went on a job interview the other day and they were like 'Ohhh, what's that smell?', and I'm like, 'Oh, sorry, it's me.' And then they figured I wouldn't be able to fit in with the other employees because they're living and I'm, y'know, dead, so I wouldn't be a team player. But then I said that I could work 24 hours and they were like 'Alright, you can work the graveyard shift!'" These people are so weird, Lina thought to herself.

The captain gave an announcement. “Will all passengers turn off their electronical devices as to not interrupt any signals during flight. Thank you.” After five minutes, they were taking off. Lina took out a few manga entitled “The Slayers” and started to read. The manga is Lina’s favorite as the main female character’s name is the same as hers. Her stepfather, Purist started to yawn and finally fell asleep. Rylai watched some shows on the channels available on the plane’s television.

The old man woke up and ordered a drink of whisky. After ten minutes, he asked the steward that came by “Where’s mah drink? I can’t shoot straight unless ah’ve had a pint.” Shoot? Lina thought. She was confused. What is the old man shooting? It’s not like he has a gun or something. The weirdness didn’t end there. The short foreigner who was talking with his friend ordered some food and when it was served, he said “Delicious,” in a very evil tone. Then, the short blind guy in front of her started a line like “One day Darkness called, but I was on the phone, so I missed it. I tried to dial star-69-darkness, but his machine picked up. I yelled ‘PICK UP THE PHONE DARKNESS!’ but he ignored me. Darkness must be screening his calls.” Then the tall one said some weird things as well. “You know, while on one of my travels, I learned something. Bah weep granah weep ninny-bong! It’s a universal greeting,” he said.

Then, an announcement rang. But, it wasn’t the captain’s voice. “D’ya phear me, mon?” asked the voice. “I’m hahjackin’ dis plane here and want to say that I want all yer munny or face mah wrath mon,” he said. After a while, Lina heard somebody yelling “What kind of wrath will we face if we refuse, you sleazy Jamaican?” followed by a series of ear-piercing screams and silence. “Okay, now that’s just plain creepy,” said Lina.

Suddenly, a pot dropped beside her seat. “Huh? What’s this?’ asked Lina. She leaned over and looked inside. Then, someone grabbed her from the back and pulled her to him. But just as she was pulled away, a huge cobra sprang out of the pot. “Ack! Is that a snake? And don’t rape me, whoever you are!” She shouted. “I’d kiss you, but I got puke breath. And it’s not a normal snake, it’s a rare serpent ward, which was believed to have been extinct about fifty years ago,” said the fat Chinese guy.

The serpent opened his mouth, but the Chinese raised his mighty fist and smashed the pot to pieces along with the serpent. “Destroy tha pot and no snake will spawn,” he said.

“Don’t let your guard down,” said the male with silver hair, the one chatting with her girlfriend. “I don’t think there’s only one ward. That Jamaican must have laid wards throughout the plane, so we need weapons to fight them,” he said.

“Do we even have any weapons to use?” asked Lina. “Yes, we do,” said a voice. Lina turned around. It was her father. “We need to get to the luggage storage, all our weapons are kept there if I’m not mistaken,” said Purist. “You guys said that you are not strong without weapons, ay? I’ll follow you,” said the Chinese.

But who will protect them while we are gone?’ asked the silver haired man. The muscular man reached inside his backpack and took out a few hammers. “Leave it to me,” he said. “My hammers will be able to finish off some wards no problem,” he said again. The short foreigner rummaged through his luggage and took out a machete. “I’ll stay here. Yurnero?” he asked. “Hai,” he said. “Watashiwa Yurnero des, dozo yoroshiku…….sorry, I mean, I’m Yurnero, nice to meet you. I will follow you to get the weapons as well if you don’t mind,” he said. “Alright, so it’s me, Yurnero……” he paused. “Mangix,” said the Chinese. “Abaddon,” said the silver haired man.

Okay……what in the name of Sir Isaac H. Newton is happening here? Thought a confused Lina, who was getting more confused by the second.



Act 2: I Know Kung Fu

“Okay, seriously, what is going on here? How did the weapons even get past the customs?” asked Lina. “Seriously girl, you don’t know that weapons are now permitted on planes?” asked the middle-aged woman. “Err……no,” said Lina. “God bless you. You know so little,” said the muscular guy. “Perhaps we all shall introduce each other? After all, we are now on the same ship,” said Rylai.

“Fair enough. I’m Rikimaru, a gardener that comes from Japan,” said the short foreigner. “I’m Krobelus, a librarian at the largest library in L.A,” said the middle aged woman. “Me name’s Kardel Sharpeye, I’m from France, because I need to change flights from London,” said the old man. “I’m Mortred, a pharmacist in L.A,” said the woman with Abaddon just now. “I’m Traxex, currently on study leave,” said the sexy lady. “I’m Sven, a blacksmith factory CEO, best when it comes to manufacturing hammers. Get some Storm Bolts for your home and self defense right now! Now selling at $19.99 at a 30% discount,” said the muscular guy. Everyone looked at him blankly *cue tumbleweed in the background*. Then, the twins spoke, a word each. “Good” “day” “my” “name” “is” “Magina” “Terrorblade” “we” “are” “from” “a” “traveling” “agency” “in” “Los” “Angeles.”

“I’m Rylai Crestfall, nice to meet you. This is Lina Inverse, my stepdaughter, and the blonde is my husband, Purist Thunderwrath, CEO of Guardian Angel Inc.,” said Rylai. “Whoa, your husband is the CEO from GA Inc.? Mind if we make an appointment to talk some business some time? I heard GA Inc. is good when it comes to manufacturing blunt weapons,” said Sven. “Mom, dad’s company makes weapons?” asked Lina. “Yes, and a famous one to cope,” said Rylai. “Guardian Angel Inc. doesn’t stop at weapons manufacturing though, my company gets their medical supplies from GA Inc. as well,” said Mortred. “Not to mention some rare books we order from our library. Some of our first edition collections are courtesy of GA Inc., mind you,” said Krobelus. “GA Inc. even gives us information on some exotic places so we can visit and make brochures and make flights to that place,” said Magina. “Mom, what kind of company is dad’s company?” asked Lina. “A company that is active at all aspects of business. Where’d you think we got all our wealth from?” said Rylai.

Meanwhile, Purist, Mangix, Abaddon and Yurnero made their way to the luggage storage. But they are aware of any serpent wards lying around the area, ready to ensnare any unsuspecting travelers. So far, there were none, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t any. “I think the luggage storage is up front,” said Abaddon. Slowly and steadily, they made their way towards the entrance.

Thunk! A few serpent wards dropped out of nowhere and the snakes sprang out, jaws gaped, poised to strike. “Damn!” Moaned Purist. But the serpent wards didn’t last long. Before they could do anything, Mangix and Yurnero had already snatched up a mop and a sweeper respectively and smashed all the wards to pieces. After some unnecessary posing, they turned to look at each other. “Are you who I think you are?” they both said at the same time. “You are the Pandaren Brewmaster from China!” Said Yurnero. “And you’re the Japanese Juggernaut!” Said Mangix. They slapped their hands together and said “It’s an honor meeting you.” Purist and Abaddon stood there, speechless and have no clue what they are talking about.

After more walking, they reached the entrance. “Well, here it is,” said Abaddon. Mangix suddenly became aware. “You two, find a place and hide. Yurnero, protect them. I’ll handle these by myself,” said Mangix. “Indeed,” said Yurnero. They then hid behind some boxes which they have no idea why were they put there in the first place. “Uh, why are we hiding?” asked Purist. “Observe,” said Yurnero. They turned to look at Mangix, who was flexing his fingers. Suddenly, the familiar thunking sound was heard and ten or so serpent wards surround Mangix.

One of the snakes opened its mouth. “Soooo do you thinkkk you can takesss ussss on?” it said. “You don’t seem like a normal serpent ward, what species are you?” asked Mangix. “I’m of the Plague Ward speciesssss, even though we do not possessssss damage asssss thossssse of normal sssssserpent wardsssssss, but our intelligencessssss is far higher and our potssssssss are much sssssstronger,” it said.

“And they say pandas are endangered. Well, guess it’s time I say that now YOU’RE endangered!” Said Mangix. He raised his fists and smashed one of the pots to pieces. “Want to know why? Because……” he paused. Then, he took out a bottle of beer and downed it a one gulp. He gave a hiccup and continued, “Because I know kung fu.”

The serpent wards shot some venom stings at him, thinking that it will hit him for sure because he is so bulky. But surprisingly, none of the stings hit him. He dodged it lazily. Back in the hidings, Purist asked “Now can you tell us who that fat guy is?” “He is one of the descendents of Wong Fei Hung, a renowned martial artist in China about a century ago,” said Yurnero. “And?” asked Abaddon. “One of his famous martial arts, is named as, the Drunken Fist, which is what Mangix is doing now,” said Yurnero. He was wobbling, yet none of the ward’s attacks seem to hit him. He was destroying them one by one with his bare hands and feet, with agility and reflexes almost impossible for a guy his size is capable of. “Now this will be GRIZZLY!” He said.

He then did an action which caused Purist and Abaddon to applaud in awe. “CHUCK NORRIS ROUNDHOUSE KICK! OWNAGE!” They yelled.

This time, it was Yurnero’s turn to be confused. “Who the f*** is Chuck Norris?” he asked.
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Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 9:44 am

Coool. This is awesome fun. My sides are splitting. Please do keep this up. Please. I love this.
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Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 10:06 pm

Lol, hilarious.
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Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 10:28 pm

hahahaha!!! “Now this will be GRIZZLY!”
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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 8:55 am

Hahahaha! I liked the part where rhasta spoke haha.. make more!! u rock!
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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:23 am

lol dude. until now,i couldnt imagine how can 'fiction' perfectly fits in 'reality'. rofl!
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Triple Kill!!!

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Rabbit-spree!!!!!!

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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:42 am

this story is awesome ....i really like descriptions of heroes especially that Magnix is a guy with a serious case of obesity and comes from China. Has an addiction to alcohol.


that’s like me

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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 2:25 pm

Nice story. Keep up the good work...
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Worship the Moon

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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 2:57 pm

throw in naix, a crazy guy who likes eating things
and maybe venomancer as a fellow hi jacker
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 10:14 pm

Hehe contnue i dint had such a laugh since i left the forums for WoW!
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